Colours- peoples opinion and pleasing everyone

Talinsmum · Feb 23, 2008 5:14 pm

You are building your house for you .... not for your parents, your siblings, your friends, your work colleges but for you and for your future ..... its your money, your dream and you can have whatever you want! its an amazing process we are going through and you shouldn't let people spoil a single second of it for you!

Yes for those of us who are people pleasers (I'm a lot harder now than I used to be) its our nature to want everyone to approve but when it comes down to it, those that truely care about you will allow you to spend hours talking about your new house, will bring a bottle of wine to celebrate the move in and will never utter a word of criticism to your face or behind your back about the whole process....

As for the rest of them .... well jealousy is a curse, and these people tend to be the ones that every conversation has to be about them, or about something they are doing ... they're just jealous that you are doing something they arn't and their natural reaction is to belittle it .....

Just be strong in your decisions, rather than ask for their opinion on your selections just tell them (if you want to) what you chose .... if they say "oh I don't like that" then a quick "we'll if we all liked the same things the world would be a boring place wouldn't it" is a good answer (without getting too annoyed).....

For what its worth - I love stacked stone, I love brown, I love timber floors, I love contemporary homes .... I can't wait to see how yours turns out!

Fiona

P.S - whats that old saying? - "don't let the ba$tards get you down!" - just keep smiling.....

Colleen · Feb 23, 2008 5:22 pm

Like what others have said... stuff em. The only opinion(s) that matter are those of the people who are going to live in the house. If you're happy with the things you've selected then it's going to be a great house for you.

Like Mrs B, I have family members who will not ask about my house, even though they know its something I'm extremely excited about. My house is now plastered and my dad has still not asked what colours I have selected. Only my mum is interested in seeing photos of the progress. Some people I know don't ask about the house because they disapprove of the fact I'm doing this by myself, others don't ask because (I think) they are jealous that I'm in a position to do this by myself when they couldn't if the situation was reversed.

I worry about my colour selections too - its the first time in my life that I'll have colours other than shades of brown in my living environment so I worry about how they'll turn out. But when I worry its more about whether I'll like it, I don't give a... hoot.. whether other people don't like it.

Rather than get upset about whether people like what you've chosen, ask yourself whether you like everything about their homes (I think someone already suggested this). I have a friend who has recently built a new home who was very quiet when she saw my selections and at first I was worried... but then I asked myself whether I would want her selections in my house and the answer was no. I don't think her house is ugly, it is quite nice, but it is not to my taste.

It could also be that they just can't visualise what you're trying to tell them when you tell them about your colours. They may walk into your home when its all finished and gush endlessly about what good selections you've made. I rarely comment on the selections people post on this forum because, apart from the bricks, I just can't visualise how the colours come together.... doesn't mean I don't like them - I've got no idea whether I like them or not because I can't visualise them :lol:

bec · Feb 23, 2008 5:52 pm

thanks lots of great advice Ill try and remember in posts above

Helyn · Feb 23, 2008 5:59 pm

It's ok if everyone doesn't agree with your selections, floor plan etc - you've picked what you want to suit you.
Perhaps be selective in who you discuss things with and cut off any negativity with "it works for us" (their tastes really are irelevant).
I have a SIL who constantly has to be one better than anyone else in family, gets very wearying but at least rest of family know what she is like so can laugh it off. The first comment she made about our house was "most people here (in ** , her town) build 5 bedroom houses". Well that may or may not be so but we are deliberately building what suits us and no way do we want or need 5 bedrooms. She seemed of the opinion one should build as big and opulent as possible, to impress and out-do the neighbours - not our motivation for building I can assure you.

I really like the way advice and constructive comments are given on this forum even though tastes and ideas are so different.
And disagreement, banter and teasing is done in such friendliness and good spirit.

And whatever you do, you can't please everyone - and neither should you be trying to.
Remember the golden rule: whoever has the gold, makes the rules - in other words, your'e paying for it, do what you want!! :lol:

VJ · Feb 23, 2008 9:36 pm

I agree with all of them.

We love timber doors.
We love browns, olive greens, lavender and burnt orange colours.

If any of our relatives/friends don't like our selections, we don't care.
It's our 1st house.. it's our money.
If they don't like it, who cares?

The most important thing is... we feel good living in it.

And yes, the people in this forum are very supportive.
We may have different tastes, but we respect each other's choices.

brittany · Feb 23, 2008 9:40 pm

We have had this house project in the pipeline for so long I almost get embarassed now when family and friends want their daily update of "has anything new happened?" I shouldn't whinge - at least they are interested.

bec · Feb 24, 2008 12:43 am

thanks for the replies, much appreciated!

Quote:

And yes, the people in this forum are very supportive.
We may have different tastes, but we respect each other's choices

nicely put

must tell my rellies that one next time :evil:

kiwi056 · Feb 24, 2008 9:32 am

The most ironic thing we found was when we were choosing our colours, tiles, carpet etc, etc, we had some strange looks from many of our friends. Some even came straight out and said they didn’t like this and that. Anyway I said to the good lady wife, to hell with what others think this is our home, and we’re the ones that have to live at the results on a daily basis. After we moved in and had many visitations from these and other friends, upon visiting their homes several had or were having changes done to their places copying our schemes. This included new floors, new kitchens, wall colours, carpet, and lighting. Some of these homes are only a couple of years old, two were still under construction.

Just watch and wait, you also might get a surprise when visiting!

brittany · Feb 24, 2008 10:10 am

All the display homes are full of brown, black, timber floors, stacked stone and all are modern. Maybe Henley, Metricon, Porter Davis et cetera all didn't hire interior designers and are so far off the mark to what is "in"?

Kryten · Feb 24, 2008 11:27 am

As everyone has so eloquently put it, we make our colour and floor plan selections to suit ourselves.

The only negative person I have come across so far has been my mother. She's always been a bit of a negative person, which I have learned to ignore :wink:

. Most of my family and friends have been very supportive and ask me how the house is coming along when I speak with them. My Dad has asked me to take him along when I next visit the block.

I think my mother is just freaking out a bit as I'm doing this on my own and I'm going to be on the other side of town to her (she's in Seaford and I'll be in Wyndham Vale - I did remind her I had a car, an e-tag and a freeway nearby :roll:

). She did admit that she liked the colours I picked out though, so I'm making progress. Just have to get her to stop telling me I'm mad for buying a house as I'll have to garden and do housework (like I don't do it now :roll:

), the company I work for will go under (guess she's psychic too :roll:

), and I don't know anyone on that side of town. Don't know how many times I've told her that when I move I'll have one of my best friends two suburbs away. I tend to tune her out when she starts prattling out the negativity.

Dana

DeeElle · Feb 24, 2008 7:13 pm

Bec I'm totally with you

.

Some people just love to put their two bobs worth in - I usually dont mind but if people are negative, I just tune them out. Don't take any notice of the naysayers and pick what YOU like and what suits YOUR budget.

My FIL is very negative as well ... tells us that the back fence will block out the breeze and trap in the heat, the back yard is too small for a child, the pavers will end up being seconds when they are delivered (even if you pay for firsts :roll:

), the wood will get scratched, the tiles are too dark or light, the house is too big......... blah blah blah!

I bet he is very glad that he doesn't need to live there (and so am I) :lol:

Ignore them and chose what you like. Stick to your selections and don't listen to anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable.

bec · Aug 17, 2008 8:05 pm

hmmp yesterday my sister did exactly what they did last AGAIN

they ...." we went and checked out your house again last weekend"
(they actually went inside and looked completely round the whole house)

and then

*dead silence* crickets chirping end of all conversation
no comment, no encouraging word, no nothing *silence*

later in the day *rave rave rave* about the home their friends built

grrr :twisted:

ok rant over :roll:

how are others going with rellies?

Mrs B · Aug 17, 2008 9:11 pm

Hi Bec

How funny is that :lol:

Those 'cricket sounds' must be working overtime. Honestly, who cares what your relatives think because that is why they are called relatives...you cant pick them. I bet your friends are very supportive and complimentary about every thing you are doing

When you move in, make sure you invite the people who have been supportive to you and for a nice meal. Every one else can wait for the 'official' invitation. Dont give them a tour when they come over, after all, its not to their taste :wink:

If they ask to see the rest of the house, just wave your hands and say 'wander around if you like' they will definately get the idea you are not too happy. I actually said..."have a look upstairs but I know its not to you taste' Well, the back flip they did was quite amazing...they got the hint.

My relatives...their ok, they ask every now and then so I cant complain

Mrs B

bec · Aug 17, 2008 9:25 pm

thanks im glad you said that cos I was thinking the same
no way am I walking all over the house with them and those crickets :twisted:

I can just imagine
this is the bathroom *deadpan faces*
this is the bedroom *bored looks*
this is the living room *blank stares*
this is the kitchen *stiffled yawn*
this is the door *boot up the you know what lol* adios

they can always visit their amazing friends house which is apparently nearby

donuts · Aug 17, 2008 9:46 pm

they sound so rude bec :evil:

I feel bad for you.

I must be a lucky one, no one has been anything other than supportive of our journey. Mind you if anyone says 'I drove past your house the other day' I immediately get all enthused and say 'Really? It's looking great isn't it?' and launch into a spiel of what's been happening.

Doesn't really give them a chance to get all negative :lol:

I guess there are a few people who just don't ask about it at all. Pfft - their loss :roll:

bec - won't you please post up some pictures of your gorgeous house to show us?

haywgl · Aug 17, 2008 10:29 pm

Bec, I feel so sorry for you, I think your sister might be quite jealous of you and your gorgeous new home to be honest.

My mum will always give me constructive criticism if I ask for her opinion, because we are at the 'choosing' stage I need all the honest feedback I can get, but once I actually chose something and had it in my new home, I know she would say nothing but nice things.

I agree with you though, if they love their friends house so much, I'm sure they won't mind only visiting their "gorgeous place" in future :twisted:

Helyn · Aug 17, 2008 11:18 pm

I think people who deliberately make snide comments or who purposely say negative things or wont say anything are usually those jealous sorts who cant be happy for others but constantly have to undermine and beat others to boost themselves up.

Those who just have different tastes or styles will still be happy for you and will find something positive to say. You can be happy for someone else without agreeing with them.

I have a SIL who falls into first category, not just with houses but with everything, (her kids are the best at everything, they earn more money than everyone etc etc), I find the best approach is to ignore snide comments or deliberately answer all sweet and agreeing rather than take the bait, their little game soon falls flat if no-one else is playing.

SIL: "Everyone else we know is building houses with 5 bedrooms"
"Are you just getting a laminate benchtop, we'd get top of the range granite"
"but of course, we'd need more room for our pool"

Me: "Oh, yes, that's nice."

It seems to go over her head that we could actually afford a bigger house/block, in fact that we have one now, but are deliberately downsizing

But, never mind, I don't enter the debate, I'm not out to prove anything.

claego · Aug 18, 2008 11:03 am

My in laws are the same...keep telling us what to do... they are not the jealous type, they just want their kids to obey them...
Well, technically i am not their daughter...

They keey telling us to build bigger house, don't choose whte color, don't go timber floor....etc

Now i am building a 3 beds only (can say it is a small house), and will have white kitchen, and floorboard, we may properly go for white blinds and white furniture... hahaha, who care what they think... It is 'my' house and i intend to live for long time... how i can choose and live with something that i don't like... if they don't like it, then don't come over... i am fine with that

Michelle · Aug 18, 2008 11:14 am

bec……guess whose NOT getting a dinner invitation when you move in????? :wink:

TJ175 · Aug 18, 2008 11:17 am

Bec

Thank You for starting this thread, cos' you know what, now I know I'm not the only ONE. I'm a people pleaser like you too and sometimes, I think when negative people are aware of that - they just love stuffing your mind up, you know ... awww .. whatever, I say!! :roll:

Claego, I'm with you and I hear you cos' I WAS in the same boat as you. I've learnt to take care of my mental state now - if they don't like it - it's about them, not about me cos' what I do, do not affect them

Helyn, your SIL sounds like mine .. what a trooper, huh? :lol:

Geesshhh Bec .. see, you're not alone. I actually thought I'm special cos' I thought I'm the only one who had to go through it (I don't like sharing my frustrations, most times). I'm glad you actually share this cos' you're helping me out too

Let's just sit together at a happy place, huh Bec .. oh by the way, I think your house is lovely

Didn't I tell you that?

Happy Place Bec .. happy place .. remember, home is where the heart is