YOU’RE FEED BACK PLEASE?????

Michelle · Jan 22, 2008 8:41 pm

Strange how I need guidance from my new found family now!!
Below is the first draft of a letter I’m going to send out to builders……

What do you think?

What did I do with out you all!!!

THANKS!

************************************

In this time of competitive business, I thought I would take this opportunity to introduce myself to you.

I am a qualified interior decorator, with 13 years of reliable experience and very satisfied clients.
My work involves all internal and external selections for residential, commercial, retail and hospitality projects. I have worked with builders, architects, owner builders as well as their tradesmen.

My selections are chosen individually for the client, as all people have different needs.
I do not follow current trends (unless specified by the client) my work is tailored for the client and their lifestyles. I work with my client, I do not force my clients into anything they are not comfortable doing or living with.

If you have a client who requires help with their home or commercial premises, please do not hesitate to ask them to call me. I will take the stress out of building their new home, renovations or commercial buildings, as well as helping you along the way with a stress free client! I have found in the past that this relives the stress from the builder, as I am the one answering all the design and selection questions. Leaving you to get on with what you do best…..building.

You can view testimonials from my clients on my website, www.denovoconcepts.com, including a list of completed commercial projects.

It is easy for me to promote myself to you, but I cannot stress enough how beneficial a decorator and professional colour consultant can be to your client and yourself, both have an invested interest in the final outcome of the project.

Thank you for taking the time to read my introductory letter, I look forward to hearing from you if you are interested in using my services for your clients or you wish to speak to me personally to discus what I do, or if you wish you can email me. (Address on my letterhead)

Kind regards,

Michelle Stokes
De Novo Concepts

*******************************

Thoughts????

Colleen · Jan 22, 2008 8:57 pm

Hi Michelle, it sounds good. Very professional but warm. Hopefully the builders in your area do see the benefit in having a proper interior designer helping with the selections.

When I chose my colours I met with a lovely man in one of Zuccala's display homes. Up until the time I arrived, I had no idea what bricks I wanted and just vague ideas of other colours (I didn't want to set my heart on something and then find out it was way out of my price range). When I walked up to the display home I was to sit in while choosing my colours, I fell in love with the colours on the display. So I told my consultant I wanted the same colour scheme. Our meeting took place in the garage/office of the display home and when I told him what internal colours I was considering he took me through to the display home and showed me the colours he had in there, which were very similar to what I wanted. He had chosen all of the colours for this display home so was quite proud and it really helped me to be able to see that yes, that colour I was considering did work well with the other colour I wanted.

Anyway, while it was a help to be able to actually see certain things as a finished product instead of trying to visualise it in my head - being able to see the consultant's work and seeing that he already knew how to cater to my taste, did ease my nerves about the colours (and his abilities) a lot. Because I saw, and liked, his work I was happy to turn to him for direction in some things I wasn't sure about (if only I could get him to come with me to pick my curtains and blinds!).

So yes, I like your letter, but I also agree with the points you are making :lol:

so maybe that is why I like it (I'm sorry if I'm making no sense, it's been a long day!)

There are a few typos so you might want to do a proofread before sending it out and perhaps you'd like to include a portfolio of some of your favourite jobs so there is no effort involved for them in having a look (some builders still aren't too keen on the internet).

Michelle · Jan 22, 2008 9:15 pm

Hi Colleen,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my letter!!!

Nothing leaves my place without my editor and chief (partner) checking my work!
Hard to believe I have written 2 novels and a third on the way….my spelling is shocking, thanks goodness for editing!!!!

I'm very glade you had a positive experience with your colour consultant, it makes building so much more stress free if you are happy with your selections.

I think I’m pushing my luck with a full page to the builders, I know what they are like, if it’s too long they will throw it in the too hard…can’t be bothered basket! That’s why I trying to keep it to a minimum.
Your right about the internet with builders also!

Thanks for your feed back Colleen!

sneakersss · Jan 22, 2008 9:31 pm

Michelle

Strange how I need guidance from my new found family now!!
Below is the first draft of a letter I’m going to send out to builders……

What do you think?

What did I do with out you all!!!

THANKS!

I think overall it's great but needs some tweaking.

I find it somewhat long winded and takes too long to get to the point. It took four paragraphs before I finally got an idea of where the letter was going. Before the fourth paragraph it almost seemed like you were just talking about yourself - which I know is the point - but I just didn't get the main jist from the beginning.

My memory is a little rusty but I think the correct format of writing a letter is a first para that quickly summarises your intentions for the rest of the body copy, the last paragraph is a conclusion and everything in between is more detailed.

A suggested change for the following in bold:

Michelle

In this time of competitive business, I thought I would take this opportunity to introduce myself to you, as well as my business and the services I provide.

Regarding the following paragraph - I would rephrase it and eliminate 'I do not'. Instead focus on 'I can' or 'I do'. I think saying that you don't do something is quite negative. You want to focus on the positive and what you can actually do.

Michelle

My selections are chosen individually for the client, as all people have different needs.
I do not follow current trends (unless specified by the client) my work is tailored for the client and their lifestyles. I work with my client, I do not force my clients into anything they are not comfortable doing or living with.[/b]

With the following, again, I would rephrase. I don't feel the need for the first half of the sentence. I would suggest: A decorator and professional colour consultant's role in a project can sometimes be undervalued or overlooked. But the advice, guidance and skill sets they can provide is extremely beneficial as both have an invested interest in the final outcome of the project.

Michelle

It is easy for me to promote myself to you, but I cannot stress enough how beneficial a decorator and professional colour consultant can be to your client and yourself, both have an invested interest in the final outcome of the project.

Michelle · Jan 22, 2008 9:41 pm

Very good YSSIM…..points taken, I will tweak!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!

mek · Jan 22, 2008 10:45 pm

Michelle, would this letter mean you're prepared to go into a "partnership" with builders, or are you asking them for a "favour" to introduce you to his clients?

Yak_Chat · Jan 22, 2008 11:42 pm

Michelle as per above, it has got to get their attention early and be to the point, precise and enticing.

All proposals should be written in the WIIFM mode

Whats that ýou ask young Mish ?
It''s called seeing it from the readers point of view - Whats In It For Me.

So here we go....
We're writing to Mario the builder
'

Quote:

Good Morning Mario,

Do your clients constantly change their colour choices?

Wouldnt it be great if they stopped messing you around with colours while you gót on with bulding their home.

How many times have you heard - opps.... sorry I've changed my mind !!!!

Well I think I can help you eliminate most of this.

And at the same time, you will gain happier customers ......

Let me explain that statement.

I'm a professionally trained interior decorator with 13 years of commerial and residential decorating experience.

I specialise in ensuring the colours my clients choose are tailored to match their lifestyles and desires of their home or renovation.

I work a bit like a professional guiding hand that ensures they choose well, and are happy with the outcome.

Some of my clients testimonials can be found on my website at:-

www.denovoconcepts.com,

Have a look at xyz and ABC. I think they suit the type of dwellings i understand you typically build.

Mario, I trust that you can see using my services can help both you and your clients acheive a better outcome with happy customers whos friend's rave about their lovely house and the wonderfully co-ordinated colour scheme.

I will call you in a few days to discuss the options of us working together in the future.

Thank you for your time.

Kind regards,

Michelle Stokes
De Novo Concepts
Email adress and phone here.

(Dont make them have to hunt around the page to find it - give it 'to them right there at the bottom of the letter.)

My version, and with a mix of all the above and following suggestions you should have agreat letter from the folks at home one.

One key tip.

Make it look like it is your letter, not something that 10 people wrote and you cut and pasted together.

Cheers
Steve

Michelle · Jan 23, 2008 7:22 am

Yak_Chat

One key tip.

Make it look like it is your letter, not something that 10 people wrote and you cut and pasted together.

Cheers
Steve

Thank so much Steve, you are a sweetie, looks and sounds great! :wink:

This is great everyone, thank you for taking the time to help me, as you can see I need it.

Much appreciated!

DeeElle · Jan 24, 2008 1:44 am

Michelle

I always use dot points when summarizing issues, particularly the middle paragraph.

Make the opening punchy and get straight to the point (like Steve's suggestion).

Tell them who you are and what you can do:

THEN

summarize and use bullets to emphasize your business ... peoples eyes are drawn to dot points.

Then use the last para to summarize and always end in a business like but friendly and open tone. The last sentence tells them more about you than the rest ... it's what they remember.

Hope that helps. If you would like to PM your final draft I would be happy to have a go at making some recommended changes. I spend more than 70% of my time writing so am happy to give you a hand.

.

Good luck

Michelle · Jan 24, 2008 12:48 pm

Thanks for the offer Dy….might take you up on that when I get it done.

I’m having a – computer and office free night tonight!!!! :z:

Going home to throw back a few red wines, cook a nice dinner…..(something I hardly ever do these days), and veg in front of the TV.

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I have a meeting tomorrow, need to look fresh!!!! :lol: