Browse Forums Building A New House 1 Aug 07, 2009 11:45 am I have found that the whole building process is just a series of either highs or lows and find it very difficult to remain on an even keel - does anyone feel like this? During the colour selection process I stressed a lot about what to choose, what would work etc that it caused many a sleepless night and yet when I did select something it was very exciting yet still stressful. The stress I went through with my home loan and needing days off work to just sit at home in my PJ's all day and not even contemplate dealing with people or walking out the front door was NOT a good experience, although I think I had an extreme situation with all that which wasn't helped by my solicitor almost quitting on me due to the crap from the bank. Now that I'm building I'm loving it but when I go to my house I either get a massive high when something is done or quite a big low when nothing has happened. While I'm enjoying seeing my house come together and enjoying the whole process overall, I think that the contrast between the highs and the lows are really starting to take their toll on me emotionally... I'm not sure if it's worse doing it on my own or not. Is anyone else experiencing this or is it just me going quietly mad? 'A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.' Louis Pasteur Vegie garden: viewtopic.php?f=19&t=27637&start=0 My Backyard Adventure Re: Building depression? 2Aug 07, 2009 12:31 pm Take out your mortgage paragraph and the rest I can totally relate too. I think doing it on your own would have to make it harder. My DH had a very casual approach to the whole building thing last year and didn't get worked up about anything. I on the other hand would see something wrong and let a few words loose. His motto was "it will be fixed by handover". I stressed over all the colours etc because I chose them. Apart from one choice I love everything else. I think it takes a few days to get use to seeing new things in the house. I loved my paint in every display I saw it in but hated it when it was put in here, only because I was use to seeing the plaster for so long. After a few visits it grew on me. It's disappointing when you visit and see no change and then it's fantastic when you visit and see heaps of progress. Gotta take the good with the bad buy you'll get there. It's a big thing building, lots of stress before, during and after. Seven months on I'm still waiting on handover stuff to be completed One day you'll be able to sit back and enjoy your house and everything in it. It's a huge accomplishment especially when doing it on your own Happy at Home Re: Building depression? 3Aug 07, 2009 1:06 pm Understand where you are coming from lisa and sometimes it can be worse when there are two of you, ie..DH & me, because one would be confident about something, the other wouldn't and would bring the other one down then neither of us knew for sure, then we would argue then we'd be confident of our choices again then he would agree with the tradies about something and I wouldn't and we'd argue again then DH would get so pessimistic and I would have to get him out of those moods and on and on it went, I would be awake at all hours talking to him and him telling me to shut up You're not alone and it will be good in the end Re: Building depression? 4Aug 07, 2009 1:12 pm Yep know where your coming from.. The gods are really against us this build, im ready to pull my frigging hair out John, Tarin and the Kids Built and moving in to the Regent Grande with Masterton homes http://thebrownsaremovingtothecountry.blogspot.com Re: Building depression? 5Aug 07, 2009 1:25 pm Don't worry Lisa I think we are all feeling it in some way or another, thankfully our bank (ironically same as yours) has been amazing so far but the waiting is frustrating as well as constantly worrying that we are going to have enough $$$. Doing it on your own is also tough, I honestly admire you I don't think I could do it. Having said that this year is definately a test for us being newlyweds, scrimping & saving every cent, living with parents and having to make such important decisons. Just think in a few months you will be in tour new house margarita in hand & it will all be worth it. Cara xo Building with Places "Galley 23"@ Eve, Cranbourne Nth Blog: http://www.finalyhome.blogspot.com/ Re: Building depression? 6Aug 07, 2009 1:42 pm i know were you coming from.........ive been on a big low for about 5 weeks now and its not a nice feeling....it takes away all the excitment you should have away Al & Caitie- Building the Hamilton 278 (Coral) at Narangba Re: Building depression? 7Aug 07, 2009 1:47 pm Yes, agree with you about the stress building can cause. BUT- every time I do get stressed I remind myself how fortunate I am to be stressing about something like building a house. There are so many people not so fortunate as me. I believe that their stress is REAL, mine is secondary. JL Re: Building depression? 8Aug 07, 2009 1:48 pm OK I'm glad I'm not alone! I didn't think I would be, but people who aren't building don't fully get the magnitude of the ups and downs and how emotionally draining it can be! I know I will get through it as that's what I do, I don't give up easily and it will make me stronger and wiser, but sometimes it does get tough and I feel like at times I'm on the edge of a big black hole about to fall in and then something great happens and the roller coaster starts again! And that can happen all within the space of a few hours sometimes! SuH Understand where you are coming from lisa and sometimes it can be worse when there are two of you, ie..DH & me, because one would be confident about something, the other wouldn't and would bring the other one down then neither of us knew for sure, then we would argue then we'd be confident of our choices again then he would agree with the tradies about something and I wouldn't and we'd argue again then DH would get so pessimistic and I would have to get him out of those moods and on and on it went, I would be awake at all hours talking to him and him telling me to shut up You're not alone and it will be good in the end I hadn't thought of it quite like that SuH! That would be quite frustrating and as cara&heng ly pointed out it could put quite a strain on relationships! I'm sitting here at work today thinking of my kitchen and my doors and the chips in my bricks and I should be really excited, and I am but I'm also quite stressed about quotes and organising everything in time and tradies either not turning up or not providing the said quote and then I get all ARGH and feel overwhelmed. The house will be worth it! -repeats- 'A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.' Louis Pasteur Vegie garden: viewtopic.php?f=19&t=27637&start=0 My Backyard Adventure Re: Building depression? 9Aug 07, 2009 1:51 pm Good point JL - there are people out there stressing about not having enough money to buy food for their families, or people who aren't able to have kids, or people who are dying etc...so now I feel lucky to be stressing over building my own home i also think that my 2 year old has kept me grounded - you can't help but stay happy for them 2014 - Prepping to build the Soho 4 with Plantation homes, industrial style 2009 - Built the Brampton with Coral Homes viewtopic.php?f=31&t=15399&start=280 Re: Building depression? 10Aug 07, 2009 2:00 pm Lisa, I think you're right about the highs and the lows. I've gone through times of stress and we haven't even started the building side of it yet! I've found it exciting too, but the excitement has been balanced by the worry about whether this colour would work with that colour, and what if this, or that.... I've been doing most of the communicating with bank, developer and builder, which is daunting even though all of the people I've liased with have been fantastic. My husband expects that I can handle it, but sometimes the stress has been so bad that I have had to jump onto the cross trainer to alleviate it! I really get it about you wanting to stay in your PJ's all day! It's really like a roller coaster ride. People always warned us not to build! Oh, I've just previewed my post and saw your comments about the roller coaster. But at the end we'll have lovely new homes to show for it! Re: Building depression? 11Aug 07, 2009 2:28 pm hi lisanne, THis topic attracts me in From H2B's description to some others in the forum, I found ( generally) women are more concerned about the details of building. ( I'm not sure if it is because women are theoretically pays more attention to detail ). My SILs are not excited about our build. They show not much interest when I told them the supermarket is open, xxx is open. That time I felt I bit sad too. When one of them know we need to visit the site every week to check the progress, her immediate response is " so troublesome!". It seems only those in the forum would find the excitement of a tap, loo, temporary fencing, a light pole, meter box. To witness how a dwelling, an area is building up, changing, improving is a unique experience. For me, at least, only after owning the land I know more about trees. Keep calm, that's really true. Instead of thinking what tasks have NOT been completed/ on schedule, telling yourself what HAVE been done. Like a rubber band, give the crew a little lap and the unfinished tasks will come up again. nott Re: Building depression? 12Aug 07, 2009 2:40 pm I'm sure everyone who builds from scratch goes through this. It is one of the most stressfull things along side divorce and death of a family member. You are definitely not alone, Lisa. I have been living with the stress of the highs and lows for over 2 years now, and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. Bring into the mix a job redundancy and a few health scares and the problem is increased. Not to mention the lack of sleep in those 2 years that has sent me round the bend I sufferend PND after my Son (2nd baby) was born, and I know the signs of depression. I'd say I'm borderline at the moment, but keeping an eye on things. I am totally over the whole thing at the moment and not as excited as I 'should' be this close to handover. I'm itching to have my own space back and make my house a home, but the excitement factor isn't there currently. Henley - Wilshire Mk 3 ... I love my house!! Site start: 4th Feb 09 Handover: 10th Sep 09 Blog: http://stormygirlscastle.blogspot.com/ Build Thread: viewtopic.php?t=7166 Re: Building depression? 13Aug 07, 2009 2:50 pm Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Depression has hit and we haven't even started building yet. . . not to me, I might add, but to my other half. . . the man in the relationship! Yes Lisa. . . I agree with SuH. . . when there are two of you doing the build, you have all of the normal problems associated, and then you have COMPROMISE slapped on top! Other half and I are both quite adamant when it comes down to what we want in a house (right down to the finest detail), we've argued so much over so many things that I have had to become cunning and devious in getting what I want. Most of the time, I'm fine with him spending extra money on things, but he gets so hung up when I try to justify something. . . it's like dealing with a child!! Wanna swap??? I never thought that I'd be the calm one in the relationship, but other half is pulling his hair out about getting the mortgage finalised, when we can't do anything for at least another week and a half because of the council application. . . CHILL! I honestly think he's going to explode. . . I hate to think what he's going to be like when we actually START BUILDING!!!!! Re: Building depression? 14Aug 07, 2009 3:03 pm jodge Other half and I are both quite adamant when it comes down to what we want in a house (right down to the finest detail), we've argued so much over so many things that I have had to become cunning and devious in getting what I want. oh dear this sounds familiar, I bet I am more devious than you Stormy I have been living with the stress of the highs and lows for over 2 years now, and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. Bring into the mix a job redundancy and a few health scares and the problem is increased. Not to mention the lack of sleep in those 2 years that has sent me round the bend I sufferend PND after my Son (2nd baby) was born, and I know the signs of depression. I'd say I'm borderline at the moment, but keeping an eye on things. This worries me Stormy promise you'll watch yourself, I had never had true depression until my BIL was killed and it was for a short time only, I can't imagine living like that for a long time, it's not a good feeling make sure you tell someone if you get worse..ok Re: Building depression? 15Aug 07, 2009 3:19 pm I challenge you to a deviousness battle SuH! Well, you'll probably win actually. . . Ermm. . . he said he didn't like waterfall benchtops. . . I like them and want them. . . I kept my mouth shut and randomly showed him photos of kitchens with waterfall benchtops. . . AT LAST a couple of weeks ago he said "I like what they've done with that benchtop coming down the side of the cupboard" BINGO! Now I don't say a word about it, and I arrange the quotes for the benchtops. . . Re: Building depression? 16Aug 07, 2009 3:37 pm Good topic Lisanne I was just 5 minute ago telling a family member I’m under a lot of stress at present and they then looked at me stupid and said WHY? They have never been in this situation. Stress is a know factor to lead to clinical depression. Yes, I think it is a serious topic. As mentioned, it’s up there with divorce, grief, financial problems, job loss et al. For me a control freak and perfectionist by nature I’m in a situation I find uncomfortable. I wish I could just *** off and come back in 4 now 6 months and just move it. Sometimes I feel like telling them I want to cancel the contract. The fact that when you ask the builder or company a question to get some support or an answer to a problem you only get an answering machine, or “I’m not sure” or “ Did you get it in writing” or “Speak to the builder” only adds to the stress. The fact that we have put our trust, faith and a sh8t load of money in someone elles hands makes it worse. I think it’s great that we can vent and share our frustrations on this site. Lisa I am also on my Pat Malone (my own). We have to make every decision by our self with no input from anyone; I think it is harder this way. I have watched you build you are going great guns. I can’t even get a start date, so I can plan my work. I just sit on my hands waiting, waiting, and waiting. When I should have been away for 6 weeks working. As to managing the depression: I think we need an out let. Step back and have a good laugh at the whole bloody mess we see ourselves in. Don’t take it to serious as to end up on medication or make your self sick over it all. Easy said than done, hey. I go for a walk, swim, eat junk food, that always helps. Lol Try to sleep well, and don’t think too much. As a good friend of mine once said “Think nothing, talk a little and laugh a lot” after all it’s only the biggest investment of our lives. Like ⋅ Add a comment ⋅ Pin to Ideaboard ⋅ Stay cool. Dr. King Willy ……….. “It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less” George Bernard Shaw. Re: Building depression? 17Aug 07, 2009 3:41 pm jodge I challenge you to a deviousness battle SuH! Well, you'll probably win actually. . . Ermm. . . he said he didn't like waterfall benchtops. . . I like them and want them. . . I kept my mouth shut and randomly showed him photos of kitchens with waterfall benchtops. . . AT LAST a couple of weeks ago he said "I like what they've done with that benchtop coming down the side of the cupboard" BINGO! Now I don't say a word about it, and I arrange the quotes for the benchtops. . . brilliant should we start our deviousness thread sorry lisa Re: Building depression? 18Aug 07, 2009 4:39 pm Great topic! Thank god I found this forum early on in our build. It is a great place to vent and also clarify things. I can relate to everything you guys are saying. I found the initial paperwork very stressful, as well as the colour selections, while DH seemed calm and collected. I hated waiting around and not being in control and there was nothing I could do. Now that we are a month into the actual build, the roles have reversed. I am calmer, but DH has become more difficult to keep calm. We have got into the trap of visiting the house every day to check on progress, and some days a lot has been done, others nothing, but in reality what are we really expecting??? Our biggest problem is that we compare our progress to the other houses in the street by our builder. e.g. We had our slab the same day as another house, and then their bricks were up and finished before ours had even started. My motto to get through this is "everybody who builds feels like this, and everybody will have one problem or another during their build" and also to think about all the houses we looked at buying which were all MUCH WORSE (older, smaller, crap colour schemes etc etc) than what our final product will be. You are not alone BUILT with Homebuyer's Centre - Aussie Alfresco Games viewtopic.php?f=31&t=16668 Moved In - Dec 14th Painting all but done - Jan 11 Front Landscaping - Feb 8 Moved In PICS Page 43 Re: Building depression? 20Aug 07, 2009 6:18 pm Hi lisanne, i can totally relate to what you are saying. Some days you are bursting with excitement and can't wait to move in and other days you think this is way too stressful/hard/frustrating or my color choices are wrong or when the house is finished there is going to be another whole new headache of sorting out the garden/fences/retaining walls/floor coverings.... It just goes on and on. I'm still really excited about building but there has been many sleepless nights filled with worry about the whole process. go upvc window frames ensure insulation under colorbond. not just sarking, lighter color roof also not sure if you have seen this viewtopic.php?t=5823 last couple of pages… 4 110572 Even if it's not being sub-divided and you want to keep it as Torrens title, you will still need to talk to a town planner or Council themselves, to see if they will allow… 1 11038 |